just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish you could order shots online.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
