I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We were destined to go to rehab together
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
