Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
