Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
