I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
