i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
