I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
