well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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