If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
