Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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