i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
