I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
