Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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