We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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