if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
