I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
