I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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