I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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