Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
