I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
