i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
