Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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