Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
