the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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