Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
