On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
