if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
