I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
