I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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