You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
