mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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