What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
