I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
