I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
