So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
