Got a toothbrush?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
