Im at strip club and am horny
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
