My sheets look like a crime scene.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
