things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
