Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
third nipple confirmed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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