there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
