Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
