Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
