Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
