Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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