dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
