You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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