Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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