Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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