My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
