You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
